Happen For A Reason (Part 2)

Tim never wanted me to meet with this guy because he was afraid of what I would say or do. I acknowledge that I can have a hot temper at times, but I know that Tim is proud of me for how I handled this situation. I did not yell, raise my voice, swear or choke this man. I just talked. Tim's story flowed effortlessly from my mouth and I felt like I got to say what I needed to say. Most importantly,. I think he heard me, and I think it made the impact I was hoping for. If nothing else, it left him aware and terrified.
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At this point the PA stopped me at ask, "What is your husband's name?" When I told him he asked if he is a police officer and told me he remembered Tim.

I talked about the urinary tract infection that Tim came to him with and how unusual that is in men - how it and the frequent urination were blatant red flags that he chose to ignore. I told him about the multitude of treatments that Tim endured and how he did it with grace, optimism and more concern for others than he had for himself. I explained that our lives were turned upside down by his oversight.

He was shaking when I told him that Tim has died. He swore to me over and over that when he heard about Tim's diagnosis it changed the way he practiced - that he proactively ordered PSA tests for men, no matter what their age. He said I should believe him because he was looking me in the eye.

I told this man - this man who I somehow felt some compassion for in spite of the fact that he stole the most precious thing I've ever held - that my responsibility is now to continue to spread Tim's message of early detection and prostate cancer awareness. That I take that responsibility seriously and I will speak in front of any group or organization that will have me.

I explained that HIS responsibility is to make sure that this NEVER happens again by telling all of his colleagues and anyone who will listen what happened, what he overlooked and what he should have done instead.  Swearing to me makes no difference, I said, you are the one who has to live with your actions fore the rest of your life.

I only teared up once while we were talking and I didn't let those tears fall because I didn't want them to distract from what I was saying. Instead, I waited and when I was done, I turned and went back into Grandpa's room where the tears flowed.

With him no longer in private practice, there is no way that I could have ever gotten an appointment with him to confront him on what he did. The only way we would ever meet was by chance, and I have a hard time believing that this meting was pure luck.... Some things do happen for a reason. This was one of those things, and I know it was Tim's level-headedness that guided me and let me say what needed to be said without dramatizing it.