Dear Cigna

You have no idea how your "processes" cause me and my perfect husband to be sitting here holding our breaths for days on end.

While the stupid damn cancer grows inside him, there you are "considering" if you are going to approve treatment for him. A new treatment that could be a literal life-saver for him. All the while we wait. And wait. And wait. We try to be patient and understanding. Well, that's a lie. Tim is patient and understanding, I am not. I am irritated, frantic, overwhelmed, scared, impatient and just plain sick of waiting. I want to know something is happening. I need to know that those damn cancer sells are being defeated.

It's hard to explain to some folks, but when we were trying to schedule Tim's surgery, every moment of every day had me in knots because I know that every moment of every day there was a doctor qualified to do his surgery who was doing some leisure activity instead. Golfing. Sitting by the pool. Playing fetch with the dog. Napping. Vacationing.

I feel similarly right now. There is someone at our insurance company doing something less important while my husband waits for an approval. While the cancer cells dance around in his body multiplying by the moment.

I'm trying not to think much about "what if it doesn't get approved" but I have a course of action if that does happen. Come Thursday, I'm going to start making some calls to find out where this approval is in the process... hopefully someone understands that I'm not trying to be a pain. We just can't wait anymore.